erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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