Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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