I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
