I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
