Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
