I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
