i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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