god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
only if we run a train.
done.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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