What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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