Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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