I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
