oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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