'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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