So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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