Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
