You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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