I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
nutella sex= disaster
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
