Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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