my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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