im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
