she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
