I hate your face
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Randomize
