69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
