His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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