you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
