Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
