so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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