Ketchup is God's man juice
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
