watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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