The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
