...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
