You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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