are you so shy because you have an std?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
vagina is talking i cant
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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