Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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