i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
