you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
