omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
