I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
