Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
