Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
