Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
