My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
