Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
