winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
