Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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