When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
