Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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