i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
