Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
