Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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