he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
