My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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