just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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