I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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