she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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