We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it š
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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