playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
