guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
