he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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