I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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