He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
