'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
