a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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