hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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