apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
