dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
