So drunk its hurt
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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