I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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