And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
