Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
