He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
