Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
