omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
