Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
