I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so that wasnt chicken after all
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
