im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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