Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
