Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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