you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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