I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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