You made me cry and you don't even care
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
