I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize