sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
