I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
