I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We need to get me chipped asap
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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