Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Bring me that man meat
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
