I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
