I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
