I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
should my penis look like a turkey
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just gargled with NyQuil
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize