She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
