ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
