a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
