I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
how drunk are you?
Several
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
