Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
