well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize