Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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