So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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